I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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