Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
