dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
