i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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