After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
