Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
