the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
