Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
