Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
