WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
