I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
