I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everclear isn't food dammit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize