the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
