it was like his penis was on wheels.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
