have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
