I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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