i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
