I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I did not marry a roomba.
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