yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
