Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Green mimosas i think yes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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