If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
