I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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