I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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