The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
