I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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