Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
