I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
