it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sober January is a disaster.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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