I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
