Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
