I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
