Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
