I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
