I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
