yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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