You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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