we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
