What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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