he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
