I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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