guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
