Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
