i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
