she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
