You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
