Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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