why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I did not marry a roomba.
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