I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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