I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
