Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
