I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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