Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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