k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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