so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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