areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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