i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
