:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
