Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
