Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize