He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
