So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
