What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The air was thick with penises
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
