Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
