I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
